Shinigami Love
by HumanyWumany
Summary: This is the story of how Ryuk of death note met Grell Sutcliffe, and how the two of them fell in love. If you want seriousness, don't look here! I wrote this just for the hilarity XD
1. Chapter 1

**Shinigami Love**

**_Grell_**

For all blood's shortcomings it is a gorgeous colour. As I ran my specially-adapted scarlet death scythe through the chest of some primitive little human child I couldn't resist dipping my fingers into their blood and coating my lips with it. I took a long look at myself in the metal of my death scythe to see if this was a good idea. It was. The way the semi-congealed blood darkened at the edges of my thin lips really plumped them out considerably. I minutely adjusted one of my false eyelashes and then winked and grinned seductively at my reflection. My luscious cherry coloured hair flew into my face as I swished my head from side to side. The overall effect of perfectly coordinated hair, spectacles and lipstick was almost overwhelmingly attractive. If I did say so myself.

My Bassy wouldn't be able to resist me with the crusted blood of a human boy not unlike his own master Phantomhive covering my lips. I unbuttoned my long crimson coat to reveal the black waistcoat beneath; Bassy was masquerading as a butler and sported his own waistcoat. I knew he'd be overcome my sexiness if I too played at that game. After I'd straightened my white and red striped necktie and ensured that my ahir was free of bumps and knots all the way down my back I dug my black and magenta heels into the ground and took flight towards the moon.

**_Ryuk_**

It was so boring just sitting around waiting until I could write Light Yagami's name in my Death Note. At first I had enjoyed watching him slowly pollute his own soul until he was more shinigami than human but by now it was rather tiresome. All Light did was kill criminal after criminal; the only interesting thing he'd done all the time he'd had ownership of that blasted notebook was murder his father and the detective, L. No doubt he thought he was doing the right thing by choosing to kill who he did and the way he did but I disagreed. Light was so sneaky about everything that it was no fun. The only good thing about the human world was the apples, I decided, as I crunched on one sulkily from the roof of a skyscraper.

Light barely even spoke to be anymore and I couldn't remember the last time we'd played Mario Kart together. That Misa chick was hot and I really liked her but then Rem had come into the equation and made it clear that Misa was her property. Besides, I don't think it would have worked out anyway because Misa seemed to find me somehow…ugly. What I needed was somebody to love, somebody to take my mind off my tedious existence. I needed to clear my head. I ate the last of the apple core and stretched my wings as wide as they could go before plunging off the rooftop and into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Please review! It makes me update more and get better at writing!**

**_Grell_**

****Then a great big flying idiot knocked me out of the sky and any thoughts of Bassy out of my head. He collided with me from above, a shapeless darkness with eyes that made me feel like an excitable schoolgirl. My, his yellow and red eyes were even more captivating than the Undertaker's… I just wanted to devour him right there and then. Unfortunately I couldn't because he was much bigger than me (I watch my weight) and the clumsy oaf had launched himself straight into my flight path so the two of us were locked in a desperate embrace and plummeting towards the earth. It was all unbearably romantic!

As we fell through the air, the wind rushing past us on all sides, the shinigami on top of me was making a most unbecoming guttural shrieking sound. This was rather spoiling the romance of the moment so I said, "Look, will you shut up?" to him.

His eyes filled with reproach but he did as I told him. Good. I like a nice obedient man.

Before this moment I had thought that there was no greater pleasure than soul-reaping with Will but I was so wrong. The exultation that filled me was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was so very lucky to have been looking my best when another God of Death had been around. Sure, we were different types (beautiful as his eyes were, they would not have been flattered by a pair of glasses and I could sense that he saw lifespans and wrote them down in the books that reapers like me had to consult before we could decide whether people were supposed to die and then rip out their souls and have a poke around in their cinematic record if we were feeling particularly nosy.) Even so, a fellow shinigami was surely a better love prospect for me than a demon, wasn't he?

**_Ryuk_**

****We landed in some sort of junkyard with a resounding crash that made the ground around us tremble.

I coughed, unsure of how to act around this dazzling creature of vermillion.

"You're lying right on top of me."

"Oh, yes, so I am, sorry." I moved to get up but the other shinigami grabbed a handful of the feathers which sprouted from my shoulders and pulled me back down.

"No. Don't move."

This was so exciting! Misa had nothing on this sexy woman's blood stained lips and smart clothes, needle sharp teeth and sassy attitude. What was blond hair when compared to ruby? Who wanted a small, curvaceous girl when they could have a tall, thin one? What was humanity other than pathetic when laid next to this princess of death? Nothing, that's what.

"Your eyes…" I began, staring into their murky green depths.

"Let me love you!" The girl screamed passionately, before blood sprayed out of her nose all over my face and she proceeded to lick it off noisily with a perfect red tongue, moaning and groaning as she did so.

I felt aroused so I kissed her.

It was like nothing I'd ever felt before! We both came away from the kiss with our tongues deeply gouged by the other's razor teeth but neither of us cared. I bet Misa would have.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Grell_**

****Naturally it was just at that moment, when I was prepared to tear the clothes off my newfound lover and repeatedly make love to him on the ground where we lay, that Will materialised nearby.

I heard his decidedly strained voice from behind us, "Grell Sutcliffe, what in Hell's name do you think you're doing?"

I leapt to my feet, feeling immensely irritated but also a tad embarrassed that I was standing with a mixture of my own and a nameless Shinigami's blood dripping off my face and an erection with was making the black silk of my tight trousers strain, "Will! What a surprise! Have you met...erm…"

"Ryuk." The Shinigami I had just been entangled with put in helpfully.

Will shifted his glasses higher up his nose with his death scythe and didn't say anything.

I was about to make up some excuse for the compromising position in which I'd been discovered when Ryuk made a retching noise and rounded on me, "Oh, Hell! What is-? Is that an erection? I thought you were a woman!"

I was grateful for the blood on my cheeks that concealed the angry blush which crept there, "I am. In spirit. That is all that matters in the end, isn't it?" I draped myself around Ryuk's neck and tugged playfully at the skin of his neck with my teeth, "We could still have a romance. It would be like Twelfth Night."

"Grell, you're embarrassing yourself." Will told me, hauling me off Ryuk by my hair.

"Don't touch my hair!" I shrieked at him, "That took me twenty years to grow!"

"I don't care." Will replied, "It's a silly length anyway; Impractical. It could do with a trim."

I was fuming over the fact that someone had openly insulted my wonderful hair and stomped one of my sharp heels through Will's boring shiny black shoe.

Will screamed and let go of my hair.

I flicked my hair and stuck my chin in the air, attempting to regain my composure. Luckily for me, my disgustingly masculine feature was rapidly shrinking, "Ryuk," I implored, "May I see you again?"

Will reprised his iron grip on my hair and dragged me backwards.

"If I want to, I'll find you." Ryuk said stingily.

**_Ryuk_**

I couldn't repress a stab of jealousy in my stomach as I watched Grell and Will fly off into the sky. I took an apple out of my pocket and bit into it. Who cared if Grell was male? He was sexy, like a chick, and he obviously thought I was sexy too. I also liked the vintage clothes he and his friend Will wore; it's was like they were from the Victorian times or something. Obviously they weren't, my kind are from the Shinigami Realm, that's it. They are free to go to and from the Shinigami and Human world's as they wish and even travel between eras but if they had business in a particular time and place they had to follow it through. I ruffled my feathers and spread my wings and made my way back to Light Yagami.

On my flight I couldn't shake Grell from my mind. He was what I needed, a love interest. He was gorgeously theatrical and was the same colour red as the human-world apples I loved so much. It was an undeniable fact that I had felt lust in our meeting. I had wanted a man to love me in every physical and romantic way- this was hard to admit but easy to accept. I really liked Grell Sutcliff and I was pretty sure he liked me back.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Grell_**

"I'm sorry Will!" I wailed, fluttering my eyelashes at him.

Will surveyed me with a displeased expression over his spectacles, "What were you doing in 2008 anyway?"

I shrugged elaborately, "I don't know…" I sighed, "Merely wandering the realms of time to see if there was anything that could possibly take my mind off my dear Bassy."

Instead of the sympathy I was hoping for Will rolled his eyes and impassively replied, "He's not your Bassy. He hates you." He looked at my outfit with an expression that would curdle milk, "_Proper suits _are expensive. The first time you met him you shredded one of his, murdered his master's only living relative and nearly severed Sebastian's arm. Despite me confiscating your death scythe for as long as I'm legally allowed you persisted in following the demon around like some infatuated human schoolgirl, doing nothing but hindering him in his everyday actions and causing him to detest more and more each time he saw you. Honestly, I don't like you Grell, but surely you have more self-respect than to set your sights on a lowly _demon_ for goodness sake!"

"Well," I replied, "I've moved on now, haven't I? To a nice, respectable shinigami-"

"-who's name you didn't know!"

I pretended I hadn't head this slur, "And, when I first met Sebastian, I had also just completed a liberating murdering spree in which I put paid to five prostitutes. You forgot about that."

Will slapped me across the face then and sent me back to work. I set off, grumbling loudly and spreading blood from the cut on my cheekbone across my face.

I would definitely actively seek Ryuk out now, if only to spite Will. I couldn't remember when he began using me as a punch bag and when I stopped fighting back because I liked the colour of the blood his angry hands inevitably drew from me but he had just hit me on the face. That made me livid. My face is my best feature; I didn't want it ruined.

**_Ryuk_**

I'd always thought Victorians were all really frigid, uptight and boring but Grell seemed anything but. That night I used Light's computer to research murders of prostitutes in the 1800s. The realisation that Grell was such a prestigious criminal: the one and only Jack the Ripper, was unexpected and made me kind of horny.

"Light…?" I asked.

"Hmmpf?" Light replied, scrawling name after name in that wretched notebook, "I'm kind of busy right now Ryuk, maybe Misa will play Mario with you."

"It's not that!" I said, swallowing an apple whole in frustration, "How do you get Misa to like you so much? Especially seeing as you're such a prick to her… no offence."

"If I cared about her I would be offended by that remark." Light swivelled round in his chair to face me, "I executed the criminal who murdered her family. She doesn't love Light Yagami, she loves Kira. She idolises my dealing out of justice, my Godliness… you need to do something that will really impress a person if you want them to like you."

Grell liked blood and murder and violence. I liked Grell and I was bored. That night I set off and murdered eighteen people for fun and theatricality. I knew it was likely that Grell would be sent to reap their souls. I tried to make them all die in the most gruesome and bloody ways I could imagine.

I made one be stabbed repeatedly with a wire coat hanger, one gouge their own eyes out with a trowel, two

beat each other to death, five be utterly obliterated by the same bomb, one jump in front of a train, one to be

caught and ground in an industrial meat mincer, one slit their wrists, one have their throat slit by a mugger,

one to have a massive haematoma, one to throw themselves off a skyscraper onto concrete, one to smash

their own skull into their brain on a brick wall, one to have their face eaten off by their dog and one to pull

their own entrails out with only a pair of plyers and a potato peeler. I also made every one of them that could

write 'Grell' and 'Ryuk' in a big heart with their own blood. I hoped that was a big enough bloodbath for Grell

Sutcliff.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Grell_**

The voice that woke me nearly made my eardrums bleed, "Grell!" It roared.

I knew from the tone that it was Will and felt panic flood my insides. "Don't look at me!" I squealed, "I'm not wearing any makeup!"

"That's going to be the least of your worries in a minute!" Will promised, yanking me out of bed by my feet.

I covered my face with my hands so Will wouldn't see my un-pampered countenance.

"Look!" Will commanded, hefting me across to a window and dragging me upwards onto a rooftop. The world swayed petrifyingly as I careered from side to side twelve stories up, supported only by Will's slack fingers on the collar of my coat. I screamed and received a kick to my lesser-acknowledged manly area.

When I had recovered from my motion sickness and agony I peered over the precipice of the building onto the street below. On it, surrounded by insignificant police officers and hazard tape was rendered in glorious sanguine the most heartfelt love-letter ever delivered. I just heard Will mutter, "There's nine more…" before my heart burst with joy and I fainted from a tidal wave of utterly undiluted rapture.

**_Ryuk_**

I was waiting by the body of the unfortunate human who had very inventively killed themselves with plyers and potato peeler while police bustled around smoking and looked nauseous. It had been so long since I'd made all this happen; I was beginning to think Grell wasn't going to turn up. The love letter was congealing on the kitchen tiles when the windows behind me shattered spectacularly and a shrill call drilled into my skull,

"Oh Ryuk! My love! My sweet, sweet _darling!_" I was enveloped in a billowing red coat and shroud of thick hair while their owner smothered the back of my head and shoulders in kisses, "You are the most romantic person I have ever met! Even more so than my dear Bassy- who, incidentally, hasn't even called to ask about my wellbeing after my disappearing from his life for a whole week! Oh, I feel as if I were flying- such is the boundless ecstasy of our love-"

"We are flying." I interrupted, "Those police officers were looking at you strangely."

Grell laughed huskily and clung to my back tighter.

"All these deaths- just for me?" Grell asked sprawling his flexible torso all over my legs and chest as we later sat down on a tall building, "My, my; that's dedication. I think I might love you, Ry-Ry"

"Hyuk Hyuk. Yes, well." I tried to seem offhand, like Light was with Misa, "I'm not saying I feel the same way but I passed up a date with a human model for this. Want a bite?" I offered my apple to Grell but he seemed to have other ideas.

"Oh, yes, yes I would Ry-Ry! My sweet darling I thought you'd never ask!" Grell growled before ferouciously tearing at the crotch area of my trousers with his teeth and fingers.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Grell_**

When I had finally fulfilled the mounting ball of lust that had been consuming me for my entire existence Ryuk took me for another fly on his back to see all the other love letters he's left me. They all said the same thing: a little unoriginal maybe but the gesture was there and the messages were simple yet effective, besides, I wasn't even entirely sure if Ryuk could write anything except names. It was all intensely moving and it almost made my heart bleed out lavishly all over my crisp new shirt.

In fact, when we landed on a railway bridge as the moon was rising and watched a trim little scarlet steam engine trundle along beneath us and Ryuk tenderly kissed my lips and presented me with a crimson human rose I had a nosebleed all over my shirt. Ryuk told me he liked the way I showed my appreciation because my blood was the colour of human apples.

**_Ryuk_**

And we both lived happily ever after.

If we were ever alive at all.


End file.
